Consent, be ware of making presumptions!

I have been thinking about consent, the consent involved in total power exchange: 24/7 D/s; I am also querying deeply on just how much consent the slave understands is being required of him or her, not just in the moment but in standing, ongoing consent.

This is something Glenn Marcus perhaps did not spend enough time thinking of. Consensual non-consent is edgy stuff and requires a level of integrity from the Dominant that perhaps Marcus was not mindful of.

As I begin this, I wish to acknowledge Mistress Matisse for her very articulate discussion of this subject in her column, The Control Tower, published in The Stranger, 29 March 2007, page 94 (http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Content?oid=187270)

Consent. This is a concept that seldom is discussed yet has such a burden of expectation on it for the outcome; not just the moment but for the duration of the relationship and in some cases, even beyond that.

What bright eyed bride knows what she is exactly consenting to when she says, “I do”? What anticipative groom has ever thought of the responsibility of the relationship when he says, “I do”? What 20 something kid knows he can always shack up with Mom and Dad when he gets fired from his job?

In my lifestyle, consent is carefully, thoughtfully looked at and discussed. Hopefully it is anyway! Limits are discussed, specifically naming those activities that will not be engaged in. Do they match, why/why not? Are these mutually acceptable?

What expectation does the slave have in his deeply felt passion in yielding control? I have one fellow; he wants to be sissified and controlled. He writes, “wants to be fully controlled and kept by you my lady; pull me so deep into your life mistres."

This is where a dominant must be careful and insist on answers to questions to confirm how deeply, what limits are understood. Is this a momentary-pre orgasm declaration or a post orgasm declaration? (There is a difference!) How consistent has this individual’s declaration been?

Another individual, older, presumably wiser, quite experienced in the “scene” has given voice to his inner voice/passion. He writes, ”then i beg you... please...i am begging... no respect...no...status...video me taking off the leathers...kneeling...having a collar put on and a leash...spit on and called...what i so seek to be...in Your eyes...a pathetic loser...i so desire to me called that...and to be called those names and faggot...never again XXXXXXX...and not until i have earned the right to be called xxxxx, never again to be treated with respect!”

Is there any question that these individuals are providing a blanket consent, yielding on every issue for my pleasure and satisfaction? In such a case, my limits, my standards, my integrity, my responsibility for the care and nurturing of these individuals must be of the highest order.

In five, ten, 25 years, when/if this relationship ends, can this individual be released and be better for the experience? Can this individual depart and not have to deal with continuing backlash of the former relationship?

Note: In some cases, it is the slave providing the momentum for this quality of relationship, the consensual non-consent. It is not always originating with the dominant—something to think about.

Consent is crucial, it can be non verbal cues such as in the light exchange between giggling spouses playing with the hairbrush. It is crucial and negotiated between the prodom and the client, between the Mistress and her slaves, the Master and his girl.

Have fun in your relationships but remember, be very careful of making presumptions about consent—they just might bite you in the ass.